Pretty Shiny Things
by Ryo0oki
Summary: Aubrey in bar. Aubrey expects Mary Sue. Aubrey does not know this authoress very well. Feel sorry for Aubrey. [COMPLETE]


Warning: NONE!! *gasp* 

Disclaimer: The only character below that is mine is Renee, which anyone can use as long as she dies in the fic. Other characters are named at the end.

Pretty Shiny Things

Aubrey glanced around the bar. He was insanely bored. And hungry. Blood. Blood was good. He liked blood. He looked around again. There was no one he could simply yank off and feed on. Stupid #@#$ing non-drunk people.

He sighed and tapped his finger against his glass. It was empty; he had drained the beer within minutes of his arrival. God damn it. Where was a pretty girl sitting alone by herself looking innocent when he needed one?

Oh look, he thought. What a pretty girl. All alone. Staring into the glass. Blonde. Blue eyes. Yum.

He got up and sauntered over. She looked at him and instantly brightened. He frowned. Aubrey didn't like people not fearing him.

"Oi," she said. "I'm Sita. Want to go behind the club and have hot dirty sex?"

Aubrey frowned. Why didn't he have a comeback for _that_ one? He finally settled on "Can you handle me? I'm awfully hungry." Gods, he thought to himself. He sounded like vampire from a cheap horror film. And he most definitely wasn't. The cheap horror film part of course. He wasn't going to denounce his vampire-hood.

*FLASHBACK*

__

"But I'm not a vampire!!" some random vampire screamed, his fangs dripping blood. "I'm not! I'm not!" He sucked at the neck of an unconscious girl for a few moments. 

Aubrey sighed and tore its head off. "Society these days," he muttered.

*END FLASHBACK*

"Really?" Sita said. "I'm hungry too. Wow, what a coincidence. Oh well. We can eat after hot dirty sex."

If Aubrey was an anime character, he would have sweatdropped. 

Sita half-bounced through the crowds of dancing people. Aubrey followed. She seemed eager enough.

They reached the alley behind the club/bar. (It has to be conveniently there whenever authors want it to be.) Aubrey could almost taste the blood. He bared his fangs.

"Stop right there!"

The two glanced down the alley where a scantily clad girl stood. She held a long silver rapier in both hand and looked extremely determined.

"Get- get away," she said. "I'm Renee Vida. I'll protect you!! I'm a vampire hunter!!"

Aubrey blinked. It had been a really long time since he had met a Vida this dumb.

"Oh really?" Sita asked, grinning. "That's funny. Really hilarious. Now go away so we can have sexual intercourse."

"I didn't need to know that!!!" she yelled. "And yes, I am a vampi-" She broke off as Sita fell to the ground in hysterics.

Aubrey glanced at his soon-to-be-meal and wondered if she had some sort of disease. Then he glared at Renee. "Off with you," he said. "I'm not in the mood."

"I- I'll decide when that mood is!" Renee replied furiously.

By now, Sita had figured that Renee actually _was_ serious. She sighed and shook her head. "^%@&!!" she exclaimed. "Why must _I_ meet up with all the crazy people."

Renee let out a battle cry and ran forward, rapier held high. Aubrey searched around his pockets for a knife to kill her with. When he couldn't find one, he sighed. He hated getting skin and icky stuff all over his hands.

Then there was a sickening crack and Renee's body hurtled into him. Minus her head. He threw aside the dead Vida and looked at Sita. She was holding Renee's head and cursing. Very lyrically too.

"Why me, why me, why me?" she moaned, throwing the head onto the cement. She looked back at Aubrey, sighed deeply, and then jumped on top of him.

"Hey!" he cried out in surprise as Sita firmly latched her mouth onto his neck. "What the hell are you doing?!" He tried push her off. He couldn't. ^&%#@!!!

She withdrew slightly. "What does it _look_ like I'm doing, stupid? I'm trying to drink your blood here? Or does me killing a stupid vampire hunter, which shouldn't even have existed after Yaksha and Krishna mean anything to you?!"

Aubrey blinked. "You're a vampire too?" Strange. No aura. She looked at him. He poked at her fangs.

"Wait too?!" she wailed. "Damnit, I'm in the wrong universe _again_!!"

"Eh?" Aubrey wondered. 

She muttered curse words under her breath. Aubrey thought he could make out 'kill' and 'author' and 'now.'

"At least write a full moon in, damnit!!" Sita yelled up at the sky. A full moon obligingly appeared.

Sita glowed, became transparent, and floated away.

Aubrey rubbed his head and sighed. Where are the Mary Sues when you need them?

Then Aubrey saw a beautiful girl with long red hair and startling green eyes. He fell in love instantly and they married and had lots of little kids

The End

Not really. What actually happened was that he tried to get close enough to satiate his thirst but a black dragon came from the sky and burned him. Badly. In fact he could have sworn he saw the redhead walk away a spiky haired boy who was at least a head shorter then said redhead.

The last thing he heard before he passed out was, "Damnit Hiei! I told you not to set the Kokuruuhya on poor innocent ningen!!"

But that's another sory.

THE REAL END

-----

Okay, that was weird. I know. It was a plotbunny running around in my head. Characters were:

Sita from Christopher Pike's The Last Vampire series. She's horribly OOC to those who read the books.

The redhead girl was actually a boy. Kurama from Yuu Yuu Hakusho. The spiky black-haired boy was Hiei from the same anime. The dragon(Kokuryuuha) was Hiei's tattoo that occasionally comes to life and destroys things.

Aubrey was of course, Aubrey from AAR's IFN. Is he in Demon? I dunno.

Renee is a random character of mine. She's the only one I own. =^_^=

Please review. Yes, I know I said I wouldn't do any more AAR fics. I lied.


End file.
